April 4th, 2018 By Brutus_MECA

10 guys took on the Palmetto 200, 2018 version. 6 of us were hardened overconfident BRR veterans. 3 were rookies but with various levels of racing experience. Then there was Flyboy. Such was team F3 The Valley Runs, split into two 5 men minivans loads of white hot running fury….or guys out for a fun time, depending who you ask.

Palmetto 200 was 36 legs covering 207.5 miles from Columbia to Charleston. Team F3TVR churned in a finish of 29:21:13 or 8:29 mpm average. This was good enough for 65th overall out of 180 teams which is excellent. It was hot during the day, shirtless hot, and cold at night, 3 layers, hats, and double gloves cold. The course was generally flat and pretty…maybe a little boring at times. The event was run in a first class way….very easy and friendly.

The Harrisburg 6 team ran into some trouble and dropped a guy after his first leg. They did their best to finish with 5. Respect to them. Pharaoh and Filibuster offered to help them with picking up some legs by our team. They declined. Great F3 love there though guys.

Before I introduce the team, I want to give special notice to two non running guys who really were part of the team:
2-Step….He had to back out at the last minute because he got a better offer for an Atlantic City Bachelor Party. He tells a different story…something something mandatory work thing something. He did fund the Jelly Scholarship for this race which allowed ever discount minded Landlord to join the team.

Dingo….We know that he hated to drop out. He organized and launched the team through the process and left pinch hitter Filibuster in good shape. His sacrifice allowed crazy man Flyboy to join the team one week out.

Here is the team……
Van 1:
Hotwheels….Like a kid sneaking into his first R rated movie, he was really excited and texting his buddies constantly. Known to be irritated when they didn’t respond due to cell phone coverage problems, he was the team communicator and link to the outside world. It was fitting that he was the lead off runner and he crushed the pace…setting the tone for the rest of us. Not just a fun run after all. Thank you also for volunteering the Hotwheels mobile as one of the team vans. One of the funniest stories was Hotwheels getting pulled over and having the “you aint from aroundherisya” treatment. Laser gives a good eyewitness account later on in this BB.

Filibuster….Our seasoned P200 veteran. He had the 2nd leg and knew that they wouldn’t be checking for PEDs. It was reported that he was wired tight and giving himself pep talks while pacing the EZ waiting for Hotwheels. That sharp competitiveness or drug use had a dark-side when he drove Van 2 to an EZ one too far and subconsciously expected Pharaoh to run 2 legs. It was OK as the 10 of us worked over the previous 25 legs to gain a 30 min time surplus to our expected pace….just for such a moment. No worries! Thanks much for taking over the Q on this race and keeping us straight….Filibuster humbly summed up his contribution ” All I did was walk to a picnic table and grab a bag of shirts.” It was more.

Pharaoh….A surprise entry to the team made possible by behind the scenes negotiations with his M guaranteeing that if it was dark, he would run with an escort of at least 4 men. Pharaoh was a man and took out the miles. Along with Filibuster, was willing to take on more miles to help the Harrisburg team who was down a man. An interesting side of Pharaoh was his cunning in accumulating and using beer tickets. Each runner got two tickets, Pharaoh somehow connived into having 30 or more. We feared having to deal with a passed out or puking Pharaoh but he used his tickets to jump positions in line, get free massages, and armloads of race swag.

Landlord…Powered by Snickers bars, legs unencumbered by training miles, and satisfaction of not paying full price by landing the Jelly Scholarship once again, Landlord smoked the course, checking to see if he took the leg crown after each one. Landlord was stone cold on the course, it was reported that he called out the number of his kill victim as he passed them. Most people say “Good Job” as they pass someone….Landlord says “……18”. The ending of the race was sad for Landlord, the line for Tacos was too long, necessitating that we leave our free 99 cent Taco tickets unused.

Laser…Also a newby to running a relay, he trained in secret, sometimes logging 30 miles or more on Sundays. Laser fine tuned his body into befitting his F3 handle and was solid fast on every leg. He was an Assassin and Van 2 witnessed him get 3 kills in one short stretch on one of the final legs. His kill estimate was over 100. Laser earned one of Brutus’s beer tickets for his work before and during the race.

Van 2:
The Farm….Ran this race after only 5 days removed from running the Atlanta Marathon. He was an iron man out there. Because of this, we didn’t mind that he crawled into the backseat of the van and made a dark burrow of solitude, only emerging to see his shadow or run a leg. It worked though as he crushed the legs. I was most impressed by his first leg, a 5 1/2 miler, where he started with a 1/2 mile lead over this girl who looked more like a softball player than a runner. He let that girl make up all but 20 yards of that lead, then crushed her spirit by running in a blind panic knowing that we would know that a girl passed him and possibly say something about it…who us?. Alas she didn’t pass him….but we don’t speak of how she made up a 1/2 mile on him. Great job though, anyone else would have still been icing their legs after the Atlanta Marathon.

Buckwheat…Solid legs dude. Self described “Flesh Anchor” of the team did a great job. Did most of the driving. I’m going to be most respectful here as after hearing about Buckwheat’s job, I suspect he could make me disappear by just sending a text. I’m glad someone does what you do Man, Respect. Thanks also for letting us use the Buckwheat mobile…veteran move with the seat covers.

Flyboy….A real man. Put in a solid week of training before the race…which in itself would leave most people a blistered cramping mess. I first met him on an easy run the Monday starting the week of the race. I asked him how long he had been running and he said Thursday….huh? Flyboy ran 3 legs, didn’t walk, and didn’t even look stiff. YHC gave him an opportunity to trade down in mileage on his last run…thank God he didn’t do it. He earned YHC’s 2nd free beer ticket for being a solid Brother and filling in on the shortest of notice with no training. I feel bad for greeting him for a hand off after his first leg and handing him a bottle of water, my used water, telling him to save it for me. Farm was in charge of the coolers and the hydration protocol was not smooth until later legs.

Major Pain….Solid runs Major. Pretty impressive pace also. If anyone hasn’t spent 30 hours locked into a vehicle with Major, they should…he is a blast. Little known fact though….he has a very strange obsession with Lowes…that’s all I have to say about that. Thank you Brother and Mrs. Pain for the burgers and dogs and 2nd F at your place in Charleston!

Brutus, YHC….I had a great time….I mean the greatest time I ever had when also including food poisoning or whatever that was. My M always says she knows that I had a great time doing something if I have a crazy story and some sort of bleeding is involved. So there was this mumblechatter before the race about whether this was a race or a fun run. I said if they are keeping time then it is a race, Dingo and Farm kept telling me to have fun. 1 mile into my first leg, I’m closing on my first kill and as I pass I see it is OBT, co-founder of F3. Remembering what Farm said, I don’t mock the guy, I slow down and chat. We chatted so much that we missed a turn, apparently allowing a guy nicknamed Tinkerbell by Buckwheat, to pass us. I ran with OBT for almost 2 miles until he had to walk…probably because he wanted to get away from me. I tried to make up for the sub 9 min. pace over the next 5 miles or so. Got to the EZ and well…fun ensued…and continued for most of the race. I did prove to Farm that a person can run an event like that by being fueled only by one banana and one bagel and have nothing in his intestines. Somewhere while unconscious I missed the guys searching for food, only to find everything closed by 8:00 except a strip club….a Crackerbarrel was found. OBT also played a role, running into me and chatting as I prepped for leg 19, causing me to miss Farm’s hand off by 2 1/2 minutes. I also was the runner waiting for Pharaoh to run 2 legs in a row…which he refused and Filibuster had to drive to the correct EZ. My last leg was preluded by a senior moment as I fell up the stairs of the Battery in Charleston with my hands in my pocket, breaking my fall on the cement stairs with my forehead. Blood was spilled which is a sign of fun for me but the resulting egg on my forehead threw off my wind resistance and cost me a little time on the final leg. Funny thing was Farm and others were just talking about 3 point contact on stairs and other silly safety rules at their places of employment. I blame the incident on him and his taunting of Karma. Had a great time finishing that race with everyone. I had a great time in general.

From Flyboy….Here’s a quick recap. Completed (3) legs for a total of 16.29 miles. Average pace was 10:42. Had (3) PR’s. 1-running 6.25 miles (previous longest run was 4.2 miles the Sunday prior). 2- 9:53 pace on the second leg (previous best was 9:59 during a 5k). 3- running 7.57 miles on the last leg(longest previous run was on the first leg). I had a great time and enjoyed the company. Very humbling and was glad to have the chance to participate. Look forward to joining The Valley on some cruises to figure out if I can actually “run” long distance. Goal will be not to be passed by so many ladies next time.

@buckwheat and @laser did a great job in providing highlights of the more memorable events of the race. Like @filibuster, I was doing the math to see where we may have finished if we didn’t miss the hand-off. At first glance, 55th sounds cooler then 65th, but that’s not why I signed up for the race. I never would have signed up if I thought we were competing against other teams and it was made clear by the group before I committed, that this was more for fun. I signed up for the adventure and it turned out to be awesome, maybe even life changing for me personally. Adventures aren’t supposed to be perfect. Conflicts and challenges are how we test ourselves. Missing the hand-off added to the story and made it more significant. Just like @brutusf3 dealing with…issues, @hotwheels not complying with the local authorities or me being represented as little white lines under the kill column on large white vans of numerous FIA groups, it all added to the adventure. So no regrets and will look forward to another one with my F3 brothers. You guys were crazy to allow me to participate, but that’s the type of character I want to be around. Perfection is over rated and boring. Appreciate you all. And @buckwheat, I want my Superman shorts back.

From Laser…..The most epic moment for Van 1 was @hotwheels getting pulled over in Holly Hill and getting off with a warning from Officer Mann. This resulted in @landlord trying to convince @hotwheels and @f3pharaoh to “Cop Block” which would have probably landed us all face down on the ground. It also resulted in @hotwheels making numerous references to pulling out his warning citation if he was pulled over again and showing his “Mann” card. It did not result in @hotwheels slowing down. I learned that if you don’t like to be caressed by another man you should not sit in the back with @landlord. @hotwheels was pretty fired up to lead off the team on leg 1 and set the bar really high by crushing his first run. However, nothing topped @filibuster acting like a hyper squirrel who drank an espresso before his first run. The man was pacing about and rambling on like Rain Man. For some reason, @buckwheat kept talking about getting back in the drivers seat of his own van. Not sure if that was because he felt like Van 1 was boring, missed @majorpain too much, or has control issues. Maybe a mix of all three. Not sure if @the_farm or @landlord should get the award for most sleep during the relay. Everyone on the team killed it and it was a great time! Kudos to @flyboy and @brutusf3 who both had reason to do a whole lot worse than they did. @the_farm is a machine (or insane) doing that the weekend after a Marathon. @landlord may have set some land speed records if could have covered himself in vagisil and trained in the cold. It was awesome to get to know @f3pharaoh better; even though he tried his best to get us to add miles by helping the Harrisburg team. Thank God he was willing to digress. That cookout @majorpain’s was an awesome way to top it all off. Thanks to you and your M for making that happen! Laser

This was my first experience with being an actual running part of an F3 team. I loved every minute of it and am ready to do it again! Thank you to every one of you for your encouragement over the past year, the training advice, the weekly runs together. Thank you to @dingo for a great job as P200 Q. Thank you to @hotwheels and @buckwheat for letting us use your swagger wagons for the race. Thanks to @flyboy and @landlord for jumping in and keeping us at the 10 spot. Thanks to @majorpain and his M for the amazing post race meal and 2ndF. Thanks to every one of you. I know running has been a huge factor in my health transformation from a year ago. I truly would not have and could not have done it without you gents. Never going back there.

From Buckwheat….Brutus spent half the race on the shitter and cost us like 10 minutes between that and talking to OBT :wink:. @filibuster F’d up and cost us 30 minutes. YHC was slow and cost us a few minutes as well. Epic adventure for van 2 trying to find dinner. Especially when we stopped at the smoke filled Oasis w/ the stripper waitress :grimacing:, 48 geezers, buckets of beer and cartons of cigarettes. As usual, @the_farm got like 10 hours of sleep when no one else could. Van one was much more PC than Van 2. @majorpain is an absolute riot. He crushed @dingo for bailing and we all piled on.

Everyone crushed their legs, especially @flyboy, who didn’t have time train and gutted it out. We figured out how he did it after the race when he left his sweaty Superman drawers in my van.

From Hotwheels….@filibuster no worries about the exchange, you did an amazing job orchestrating our training, organizing the team, keeping us all well informed. Thanks to everyone for running your dang hearts out at the event, lots of PR’s created leaving new PR goals to be broken. That was a great dose of F1, F2 & F3 wrapped into Single event and loved doing it with the 9 of you!

http://www.palmetto200.com/P200OverallResults_V2.pdf

http://www.palmetto200.com/PalmettoRelays_2018_TeamHandbook_WithMaps.pdf

I also want to thank everyone for the 3rd F love.  You guys contributed and covered the full expenses of little Eddie’s Club Foot cure in Uganda.  He had the 5 bone breakages, and Achilles surgery and will have a brace for a while…but that kid will run some day.  His Mom never would have been able to prevent him from leading a life as a cripple.  Thank you all!

 

 

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