August 18th, 2016 By Lee

8@8 has morphed into [insert mileage]@[insert pace].  #Freestyle.  So to help the Pax narrow down on all of the available options to it this week, here’s what is/could be in store for you at __@__ this week:

BRR-Training-Worthy Tres Colinas^TM (via Maybe, pretty sure it means something in Spanish…Tree Colons, I think  #whatevs)

8-mile route (5:15 start, MAFers can start at 4:55 I guess):

• South on Providence (towards Christ Church)
• R on Beverly
• L on second intersection with Sherwood (past Hampton and first Sherwood intersection – confusing already)
• cross over Queens, then R on Hertford
• R on Pembroke
• L on Queens to Gold Man and pick up 6-mile route

6-mile route (5:30 start):

• Queens to Morehead
• L on Harding (by hospital) to base of Scott/Kenilworth
• Up Scott (Tree Colon #1, #HarderSide) to East
• L on East
• R on Cumberland (Tree Colon #2, #Lurker)
• R on Lilac out to Park Rd
• L on Park Rd
• L on Hillside (Tree Colon #3, #TotalBSMasochism)
• L on Selwyn
• R on Queens Rd East (yes, right, not straight on Selwyn) and follow Queens Rd back home

Other Options:

• 13-mile route, a/k/a The Fishwrap (5:00 start): From Fishwrap’s house (DM Fishwrap for directions) run to Gold Man (~2.5 mile tempo run: 50 seconds/100% sprint, 10 seconds/110% sprint) to run 8-mile option then run back to Fish’s house (negative splits … while singing GnR … with your eyes shut).  Editor’s Note:  Bring your own dip (#disclaimer) and tunes as Fishwrap will have his headphones blaring and the only talking will be in his head (“This DJ Khaled jam is totally bada$$! … Squirrel?! … Kid Rock really is our greatest philosopher ever, isn’t he? … I wonder if I put enough shea butter on my guns this morning? [Editor’s Note to Editor’s Note:  Apologies, that’s the voice inside Monkey Feet’s head]… Man, Cher is the best … I’m so gonna f*ck the sh*t out of my next backblast … ” #internal2ndF).
• 7-mile, Ding Dong Ditch option (5:22 start): Cross street and run 5 laps around Harris Teeter pressing Express Lane Pick Up shopping button on each trip around … and then run 6-mile option (avoiding all eye contact with passing police officers #justactcool … and avoiding all lies about it later #Lochte).
• 4-mile route, a/k/a The Return from IR Doc(k) Special Sponsored by M&Ms, Icy Hot and the HurryCane (5:40 start):  Run 2-mile option twice at 8:45 pace (at least).
• 1.5-mile route (5:30 start):  Go to Combine.  #S(wing)ITFO
• 0-mile route:  All Fartsackers and no shows.  #AlwaysAvailable
• #FullFreestyle route:  It’s you vs. you — do whatever the hell you want.  Except for Gauntlet.  That workout is really, really dead.  #RIP

See you … maybe … in the Gloom.   

—Lee (#Paperboy)

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